This last week was somewhat...disheartening and ended with me deciding to take a break from Kung Fu again for like the fourth time. This time due to financial and emotional reasons that I would rather not go into. While I have not written a public post in a while, I have written several private entries to help me vent.
My mind seems have become very weak so I have decided to spend time gaining control of my mental state again. I started by going to the free meditation at the Buddhist temple (where I have been taking my Kung Fu classes). I have been to the meditation a few times and while I think I got fairly good at it, I have now lost the ability to clear my mind for more than five minutes. The meditation lasts about an hour; its an hour you spend sitting in one position, eyes half-closed, trying to keep completely still while clearing your mind and keeping a steady breath. Unfortunately not only did I have a lot on my mind, but I seemed to be distracted by anything and everything.
- I should have worn different pants, these are cutting into my stomach.
- I bet it's only been like 5 minutes
- I hear music playing outside. There's a fire starting in my heart reaching a fever dun dun dun da dah dun
- Out of the corner of my eye I see the woman next to me move her legs in front of her, Glad she is actually moving so I won't feel as bad. I scratch my head.
- I need a job, I guess I should work through the fall semester
- My neck itches
- What am I even doing with my life?
- That anti-pasto salad in the fridge sounds really good right now. I think I will finish it when I get home.
- I can see what is behind me through the reflection in my glasses. Why does everyone who walks by stare through the windows? Hey look a bunch of people sitting!
- I wonder what those three statues at the alter mean?
- Random daydreams about conversations with different people
- God its going to be hot on Thursday
- My mind is clear...for like 2 minutes
- I can't feel my feet ..maybe if I just wiggle my toes a little bit..
Finally the session ends with some yoga type of thing which I forgot we did after meditation. All I can think is I hope my pants don't rip.
While my mind was clear for just a short period of the meditation, something about taking the time to at least try and shut off everything is very therapeutic. Meditation allows me to simultaneously assess everything that is currently going on in my life while also taking a breather from it all. I came back feeling very clear headed and have gone into this week feeling re-energized.
I have been exercising regularly and trying to adopt a healthier diet, continuing my job search with more optimism, and working on getting together my digital portfolio.
Despite waiting at a job fair for four hours yesterday only to be denied an interview, I got a call from an interview I did last week and have secured a job working at a five day festival next month. It won't be much, but any kind of income would be great at this point. Also, due to how well I did in my writing course last semester, I have been offered the opportunity to take a course that could culminate with a paid position as a writing tutor in the Spring. Things are looking up, but I think after last weekend there wasn't anywhere else to go.
Here's to a successful week, for the both of us,
Gonzalo
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| This is how I spent my Tuesday afternoon...super exciting |
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| Weird when you actually see your competition for a job in person, this is like only a third of the amount people all applying for the same position. |
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